Saturday, December 17, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
不舍，难舍.
在那阴冷、灰暗的走道上，我看见一个熟悉的影子. 是，那就是你. 那就是一声不响就离开了我的你. 在你脸上的笑容，与我内心的伤痛形成了明显的对比. 原来你已经把我忘了. 这是现实，我迟早都必须去面对.
曾经与你有过的承诺，现已成了泡影．我只能告诉我自己，我其实并不认识你．
曾经与你有过的承诺，现已成了泡影．我只能告诉我自己，我其实并不认识你．
那个人越走越靠近我．在这黑暗的走道上，它的轮廓也越来越清晰．啊，是一位挺结实的男生... "你最近还好吗?" 我被他的问题给愣住了. 我认识他吗? 似曾相识... 但是又有点陌生.
"请问, 我认识你吗? "
我... 真的认识你吗?
"请问, 我认识你吗? "
我... 真的认识你吗?
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
I don't know, is this what we call "regrets"?
I would be kidding if I told you I don't care at all. I can smile to you, but you won't know how deeply hurt I am. I thought we were good friends, or even best friends, but what did you do to me? I never believed what others told me, but I know I was trying to escape from it all along. I tried to protect you last time, when they told me what you did to them. Looks like I have to believe them now, but a few years have past... Tell me that all this is not true, please.
Friends that I used to be close to, now not close anymore, all after you became close to them. I've heard what you told some of them before. But, they actually believed. All of you are like ignoring me. Friend F refuse to discuss with me a plan that I'm trying to bring up or even refuse to talk to me, but the next moment, F is smiling happily with her and talking about everything. Friend L seems to have something against me, not talking to me out of a sudden, but both of you got closer and closer. I hope all this are not because of you... I hope.
I really wish I've gone to AC. I don't care if I may not like it after I go there, but it's definitely a wrong choice to come to NY. I won't be friends with you if I didn't come here, right? Let me out... Out if this freaking place. I don't wanna stay here for even one more second...
I really don't know what is the definition for friends. If it means people who don't trust you and will leave you after hearing things from others, I have a handful of them. This, is what we call friends. I hate to get to know new friends. Every time I have a friend whom I'm close with, you'll suddenly be close to them and I'll lose that friend soon... That's a cycle which repeated for countless of times. I don't wanna go through this anymore, but when will it ever stop? Please, just stop it. Please.
Friends that I used to be close to, now not close anymore, all after you became close to them. I've heard what you told some of them before. But, they actually believed. All of you are like ignoring me. Friend F refuse to discuss with me a plan that I'm trying to bring up or even refuse to talk to me, but the next moment, F is smiling happily with her and talking about everything. Friend L seems to have something against me, not talking to me out of a sudden, but both of you got closer and closer. I hope all this are not because of you... I hope.
I really wish I've gone to AC. I don't care if I may not like it after I go there, but it's definitely a wrong choice to come to NY. I won't be friends with you if I didn't come here, right? Let me out... Out if this freaking place. I don't wanna stay here for even one more second...
I really don't know what is the definition for friends. If it means people who don't trust you and will leave you after hearing things from others, I have a handful of them. This, is what we call friends. I hate to get to know new friends. Every time I have a friend whom I'm close with, you'll suddenly be close to them and I'll lose that friend soon... That's a cycle which repeated for countless of times. I don't wanna go through this anymore, but when will it ever stop? Please, just stop it. Please.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
没始没终...
在中学时，因为我的华文老师，我立志以后当一位华文老师。但到了初级学院，我不再想当一名老师了。这里的老师令我对老师的印象完全改观。他们不关心学生，而且教书不在于让我们明白，而是想及早把书教完然后走人。虽然不是全部的老师都是这样，但教我的老师都是。
不喜欢老师，讨厌他们。怎么不是自己的错都硬要说“对不起，是我错了。”读书明明就有尽力，但就是考不到好成绩。老师都对我说“这次又没有读书了？”好吧，就说我没有读好了，反正他们都认定我没有读，不管我怎么说他们都说我在骗人。我不喜欢他们质疑的口吻，不喜欢他们不相信我。
有一位老师整天对我说：“划什么龙舟？划来划去还是一样不会赢得。你倒不如花多一点时间去读书。看你平时都不用功读书，学一学 XX 同学，看她那么用功。不要再那么吊儿郎当了。” 怎么了？我也有在读书，为什么还那么说我呢？而当我在最近的考试中考获不错的成绩时，他却对我说：“什么？怎么可能？我想我要回去从新算一算分数了。”
每当他这样对我说时，我都会很不开心。老师不是应该鼓励学生的吗？如果你觉得他在开玩笑的话，你错了。没有考到好成绩时，他说我不读书。考到好成绩时，他又质疑。每次面对这些话，我只能无奈地笑着，但我的内心其实很难过。你可知道我为了你所说的这一番话而难过流泪吗？但是，你还是重复地对我说了那一番话。我永远。。。永远也不会忘记他所说的话。
老师真的是这样的吗？对他们来说，这样是他们每一天的乐趣吗？我不想当老师了。做老师，根本就不是在培养与教育学生的。我讨厌老师。
真的好后悔来到这间学校。认识到一些不应该认识的人，而且老师不像老师。真想快点离开这个学校。我快受不了了...
Thankyou for always demoralizing me. But, sorry, these words didn't make me fight harder. You all just make me feel useless. I really hate you all... really. Yes, I'm a stupid student, but it doesn't mean that I don't have any feelings. Yes, I scored well fo PSLE, but JC is not as easy as 1 plus 1. Stop using my PSLE scores to compare with my results now! Just trying to beat around the bush to tell me that I'm stupid yea?
不喜欢老师，讨厌他们。怎么不是自己的错都硬要说“对不起，是我错了。”读书明明就有尽力，但就是考不到好成绩。老师都对我说“这次又没有读书了？”好吧，就说我没有读好了，反正他们都认定我没有读，不管我怎么说他们都说我在骗人。我不喜欢他们质疑的口吻，不喜欢他们不相信我。
有一位老师整天对我说：“划什么龙舟？划来划去还是一样不会赢得。你倒不如花多一点时间去读书。看你平时都不用功读书，学一学 XX 同学，看她那么用功。不要再那么吊儿郎当了。” 怎么了？我也有在读书，为什么还那么说我呢？而当我在最近的考试中考获不错的成绩时，他却对我说：“什么？怎么可能？我想我要回去从新算一算分数了。”
每当他这样对我说时，我都会很不开心。老师不是应该鼓励学生的吗？如果你觉得他在开玩笑的话，你错了。没有考到好成绩时，他说我不读书。考到好成绩时，他又质疑。每次面对这些话，我只能无奈地笑着，但我的内心其实很难过。你可知道我为了你所说的这一番话而难过流泪吗？但是，你还是重复地对我说了那一番话。我永远。。。永远也不会忘记他所说的话。
老师真的是这样的吗？对他们来说，这样是他们每一天的乐趣吗？我不想当老师了。做老师，根本就不是在培养与教育学生的。我讨厌老师。
真的好后悔来到这间学校。认识到一些不应该认识的人，而且老师不像老师。真想快点离开这个学校。我快受不了了...
Thankyou for always demoralizing me. But, sorry, these words didn't make me fight harder. You all just make me feel useless. I really hate you all... really. Yes, I'm a stupid student, but it doesn't mean that I don't have any feelings. Yes, I scored well fo PSLE, but JC is not as easy as 1 plus 1. Stop using my PSLE scores to compare with my results now! Just trying to beat around the bush to tell me that I'm stupid yea?
Thursday, May 12, 2011
But you never listen...
Reasons? Tell me what are the reaons. Even You're like this, so what should I do now? I thought we're friends? You told me we are but what is the meaning of this? Talk to me only when she's not replying you, and when she replied, you talk to me. I'm not being sensitive this time because I saw it with my own eyes. If I talk to you ever again, 我就是乌龟王八!
Ok, nobody understands this, and I can't say it out loud. GRR. Damn it. Ok, stop whining and get my ass to the study table...
Ok, nobody understands this, and I can't say it out loud. GRR. Damn it. Ok, stop whining and get my ass to the study table...
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Insignificant
我觉得很辛苦，但又无法向任何人倾诉。我的烦恼对任何人来说都是一种微不足道的烦恼，但是它又好像冤鬼缠身。儿女私情在现阶段是要不得的，更何况是因此而烦恼。
为了他而伤心，大家都说不值得。但是，我就像一只无头苍蝇一头栽进了这个令我无法自拔的陷阱。令我伤心的，是不管我做什么，他都不理会。在他的眼里，我到底算什么？一个随传随到的人，而且可有可无的，对吗？
我还记得他对我说过的一切，但是那一切至今都还无法兑现。我没有在发脾气，而是不开心。你有了那群新朋友之后，把我给摆在哪里了？
从开心，到失望，到伤心，然后绝望。
I don't know what to expect from now on. Should I continue to wait for you, or should I just let go? It's easier said than done. I always say I will let go, but turn out? I held on for about 4 to 5 months. Everyone tells me that it's not worth to wait for you, because this action or feeling will never reciprocate. Maybe this will become one sided, or has it become one sided since months ago?
Ever since you have your G6 clique, have you ever give a damn to others around you? Everything, or almost everything you do will be with them. I'm always the last on your list. Even if I'm not, you gave me this feeling, like I'm just the spare one... I don't know what you're thinking. Do you still remember what you've said to me? I think you don't. Or maybe you don't want to...
I'm not trying to throw tantrums here. I just don't understand why. And I know that no matter how I change, nothing is going to change for me. The reason I'm still holding on, is that, I can't bring myself to let go...
Can I talk to someone? ): But I know everyone has their own troubles, and I can't possibly bother them and add on to what troubles them. I just hope that I could be a good listening ear, being the one who help to comfort my dear friends, instead of being their burden, for I know the reason why I feel unhappy is not at all important...
为了他而伤心，大家都说不值得。但是，我就像一只无头苍蝇一头栽进了这个令我无法自拔的陷阱。令我伤心的，是不管我做什么，他都不理会。在他的眼里，我到底算什么？一个随传随到的人，而且可有可无的，对吗？
我还记得他对我说过的一切，但是那一切至今都还无法兑现。我没有在发脾气，而是不开心。你有了那群新朋友之后，把我给摆在哪里了？
从开心，到失望，到伤心，然后绝望。
I don't know what to expect from now on. Should I continue to wait for you, or should I just let go? It's easier said than done. I always say I will let go, but turn out? I held on for about 4 to 5 months. Everyone tells me that it's not worth to wait for you, because this action or feeling will never reciprocate. Maybe this will become one sided, or has it become one sided since months ago?
Ever since you have your G6 clique, have you ever give a damn to others around you? Everything, or almost everything you do will be with them. I'm always the last on your list. Even if I'm not, you gave me this feeling, like I'm just the spare one... I don't know what you're thinking. Do you still remember what you've said to me? I think you don't. Or maybe you don't want to...
I'm not trying to throw tantrums here. I just don't understand why. And I know that no matter how I change, nothing is going to change for me. The reason I'm still holding on, is that, I can't bring myself to let go...
Can I talk to someone? ): But I know everyone has their own troubles, and I can't possibly bother them and add on to what troubles them. I just hope that I could be a good listening ear, being the one who help to comfort my dear friends, instead of being their burden, for I know the reason why I feel unhappy is not at all important...
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Kay. Thanks. Bye.
We can all feel that A levels is near. We all know what we're going to face... Yes, it's a tough year ahead...
It's the March holidays, but this one week seems so short. Study for block test and there's training and competition. Hope that things will turn out well for us! MR500 is on Saturday... All the best eh!
A mixture of sad, happy, sweet, bitter, guilt... I don't like to tell others how I feel... If you keep probing, I'll just choose to run away. If I tell you how I feel, it means that I really trust you, my friend.
4 months.... Still trying to let go. This is getting too long, too hard... I know you don't make promises. I just have to forget about everything you said before because you will not remember them, so I don't have to either... You are hanging out with them so often that you have already forgotten my existence. You look at me smiling to you, but you don't know how much I'm suffering within... I wish I could walk up to you and tell you what I'm thinking, but apparently I can't. I know I don't mean anything to you anymore, but you left abruptly, not even warning me. You continue with your own life with them, but I'm still stranded at the starting point, alone...
If I walk would you run
If I stop would you come
If I say you're the one would you believe me
If I ask you to stay would you show me the way
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me
The world is catching up to you
While you're running away to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change and maybe I'm not ready
It's the March holidays, but this one week seems so short. Study for block test and there's training and competition. Hope that things will turn out well for us! MR500 is on Saturday... All the best eh!
A mixture of sad, happy, sweet, bitter, guilt... I don't like to tell others how I feel... If you keep probing, I'll just choose to run away. If I tell you how I feel, it means that I really trust you, my friend.
4 months.... Still trying to let go. This is getting too long, too hard... I know you don't make promises. I just have to forget about everything you said before because you will not remember them, so I don't have to either... You are hanging out with them so often that you have already forgotten my existence. You look at me smiling to you, but you don't know how much I'm suffering within... I wish I could walk up to you and tell you what I'm thinking, but apparently I can't. I know I don't mean anything to you anymore, but you left abruptly, not even warning me. You continue with your own life with them, but I'm still stranded at the starting point, alone...
If I walk would you run
If I stop would you come
If I say you're the one would you believe me
If I ask you to stay would you show me the way
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me
The world is catching up to you
While you're running away to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change and maybe I'm not ready
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
无言以对...
It's a new year! So long since I last posted.
不知道为什么，突然想通过文字抒发内心的不愉快.
你忽冷忽热的态度令我苦恼. 我不知道你的心里在想什么, 我也知道你不会告诉我. 经过了那么久, 我学会了等. 等你来联络我, 而不是我主动去找你. 我知道，如果你要见我的话就会来找我。如果你没来找我，我也明白. 有时候，我会想自己是不是只是一个代替品而已. 但就算是如此，你也不会告诉我吧.
有时我会对这个世界感到厌倦. 我不是世上最倒霉的人，但是我为什么老是遇到不顺心的事. 埋怨无补于事，但有何途径能让我发泄一番? 嗨... 这还真让我想起“呐喊”. 为什么你们都觉得我每一次都在无理取闹，但有哪几个真正了解我呢? 可能一个都没有吧. 心中的话都卡在喉咙，无法说出口. 这种感觉真让我感到郁闷. 你可不可以多了解我一些? 我觉得我好像傻瓜一样，在一旁默默地看着你，但我对你来说可能连路旁的一棵树也不如.
这几天，窗外的雨似乎都停不下来. 天，是不是和我一样，想用泪水来告诉大家自己其实并不快乐? 雨，下了三天三夜，但我所留下的泪水何止如此? 怎么了? 我和你的距离越来越大. 你就有如天空的云，看得见但又摸不透. 望着你，我内心有种说不出口的痛. 那是心痛还是痛恨，我也搞不清楚.
可能... 也许... 你厌倦了吧.
你，
一会儿看我，一会儿看云.
我觉得，
你看我是很远，你看云是很近.
怎么，每个人都是这样? 我，只是个女生. 一个普通的女生. 我没有你们想象的那么坚强，所以不要选择放弃我. 和其他绽放的花朵比起来，我可能只是一根不起眼的草，但请不要任意的践踏我的人生... 请不要选择放弃我... 我不喜欢那种被抛弃的感觉. ):
如果有一天，你选择像他们一样放弃我，请不要像他们那样回头... 那只会让我更难受.
不知道为什么，突然想通过文字抒发内心的不愉快.
你忽冷忽热的态度令我苦恼. 我不知道你的心里在想什么, 我也知道你不会告诉我. 经过了那么久, 我学会了等. 等你来联络我, 而不是我主动去找你. 我知道，如果你要见我的话就会来找我。如果你没来找我，我也明白. 有时候，我会想自己是不是只是一个代替品而已. 但就算是如此，你也不会告诉我吧.
有时我会对这个世界感到厌倦. 我不是世上最倒霉的人，但是我为什么老是遇到不顺心的事. 埋怨无补于事，但有何途径能让我发泄一番? 嗨... 这还真让我想起“呐喊”. 为什么你们都觉得我每一次都在无理取闹，但有哪几个真正了解我呢? 可能一个都没有吧. 心中的话都卡在喉咙，无法说出口. 这种感觉真让我感到郁闷. 你可不可以多了解我一些? 我觉得我好像傻瓜一样，在一旁默默地看着你，但我对你来说可能连路旁的一棵树也不如.
这几天，窗外的雨似乎都停不下来. 天，是不是和我一样，想用泪水来告诉大家自己其实并不快乐? 雨，下了三天三夜，但我所留下的泪水何止如此? 怎么了? 我和你的距离越来越大. 你就有如天空的云，看得见但又摸不透. 望着你，我内心有种说不出口的痛. 那是心痛还是痛恨，我也搞不清楚.
可能... 也许... 你厌倦了吧.
你，
一会儿看我，一会儿看云.
我觉得，
你看我是很远，你看云是很近.
怎么，每个人都是这样? 我，只是个女生. 一个普通的女生. 我没有你们想象的那么坚强，所以不要选择放弃我. 和其他绽放的花朵比起来，我可能只是一根不起眼的草，但请不要任意的践踏我的人生... 请不要选择放弃我... 我不喜欢那种被抛弃的感觉. ):
如果有一天，你选择像他们一样放弃我，请不要像他们那样回头... 那只会让我更难受.
Friday, November 19, 2010
我累了
Why am I still hanging on? I told myself to give up, but it doesn't seem as easy as I think. Xuewei, where's the tiny bit of dignity that you've promised to reserve? You lost it.
When you said you will find a day, I really thought "Yes, things may turn out fine eh?". Will this day ever come?
Don't dare to look into your eyes. Don't dare to walk past you. I look at the floor whenever I see you in sight, I just don't wanna look at you. Any thing related to you just makes me feel like I'm just plain stupid.
Part of me don't wish you to give up on me, but another part of me knows that to you, I'm just a nobody.
I know I'm pathetic, I don't need anymore of these.
When you said you will find a day, I really thought "Yes, things may turn out fine eh?". Will this day ever come?
Don't dare to look into your eyes. Don't dare to walk past you. I look at the floor whenever I see you in sight, I just don't wanna look at you. Any thing related to you just makes me feel like I'm just plain stupid.
Part of me don't wish you to give up on me, but another part of me knows that to you, I'm just a nobody.
I know I'm pathetic, I don't need anymore of these.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
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