I don't know, is this what we call "regrets"?

I would be kidding if I told you I don't care at all. I can smile to you, but you won't know how deeply hurt I am. I thought we were good friends, or even best friends, but what did you do to me? I never believed what others told me, but I know I was trying to escape from it all along. I tried to protect you last time, when they told me what you did to them. Looks like I have to believe them now, but a few years have past... Tell me that all this is not true, please.

Friends that I used to be close to, now not close anymore, all after you became close to them. I've heard what you told some of them before. But, they actually believed. All of you are like ignoring me. Friend F refuse to discuss with me a plan that I'm trying to bring up or even refuse to talk to me, but the next moment, F is smiling happily with her and talking about everything. Friend L seems to have something against me, not talking to me out of a sudden, but both of you got closer and closer. I hope all this are not because of you... I hope.

I really wish I've gone to AC. I don't care if I may not like it after I go there, but it's definitely a wrong choice to come to NY. I won't be friends with you if I didn't come here, right? Let me out... Out if this freaking place. I don't wanna stay here for even one more second...

I really don't know what is the definition for friends. If it means people who don't trust you and will leave you after hearing things from others, I have a handful of them. This, is what we call friends. I hate to get to know new friends. Every time I have a friend whom I'm close with, you'll suddenly be close to them and I'll lose that friend soon... That's a cycle which repeated for countless of times. I don't wanna go through this anymore, but when will it ever stop? Please, just stop it. Please.